How to not lose friends over politics during 2020 election

With the election bearing down on us, how can we maintain friendships with people who have different political opinions?

For one thing, don’t take any lessons from Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren or their supporters.

Tensions between the Vermont socialist and the Massachusetts sorta-socialist exploded at last week’s CNN debate, after Sanders flatly denied reports that he’d told Warren that a woman couldn’t win in 2020. Warren demurred and said she and Sanders are friends. But ­afterward, she refused to shake his hand, and a hot mic caught her ­accusing Sanders of calling her a “liar on national TV.”

Their supporters ­immediately went for each other’s throats. Sanders fans tweeted emojis of a snake at Warren voters. Warren voters cried sexism. It got ugly fast. And these are people ostensibly on the same side. What’s going to happen when the general election comes around?

We know what’s going to happen. Friendships will fray and possibly snap. The election will happen, someone will win and some segment of the country won’t be able to process the loss of its preferred candidate in a healthy way.

People will lash out. We will have to read a thousand “what to say to your family on Thanksgiving” articles about how to be civil to people who share your blood but not your opinion on Medicare for All.

“But President Trump’s not civil!” or “Warren is a liar!” the arguments will go when people are called out on their nastiness. OK. If you dislike Trump or Warren, why are you emulating their behavior?

So what can you do to stay on good terms with the people in your life?

First, keep your politics off Facebook. Not one mind has ever been changed by anyone’s political ranting on any social-media platform, especially not Facebook. All such arguments accomplish is to divide old friends. Facebook is simply not made for arguments. You inevitably end up getting into a fight with the co-worker of your best friend from middle school.

Who wins in that exchange? No one, that’s who.

A Pew poll in August found that “two-thirds of users (67 percent) say that discussing politics on ­social media with people they disagree with usually leads them to find out they have ‘less in common politically’ than they expected.” Common ground gets harder to find ­behind profile pictures and quippy responses.

The same Pew poll showed that nearly half of adult social-media ­users feel “worn out” by the “number of political posts and discussions they see on social media.” Post pictures of your vacation and your cat and maybe sometimes your sushi. Don’t post about politics.

The second thing you can do is to remember that your friends, even those whose opinions you find ­repellent, want what’s best for our nation. If you try to hold fast to that baseline assumption, it gets much easier not to lose a friendship over political disagreements.

I find Sanders’ ideas to be illogical, backward and tied to a political philosophy that has failed every time and everywhere it has been tried. But I know my friends who support him think he will herald a fairer society. They sincerely ­believe his is the way forward. Oppose them at the ballot box, not over dinner or on your Facebook page.

Finally, remember that politicians aren’t your family members, and they aren’t your friends. Ideologues want power; your loved ones want love. Don’t lose your actual family or friends over politicos. Similarly, the people on your political side shouldn’t be your “tribe.” Your ­actual tribe are the people who know you and care about you, not just people who vote your way.

Your tribe are your neighbors, the people at your church, the other parents at your kids’ school. They aren’t the people raving on social media on the same side as you. Remember that and go into the 2020 election keeping your friendships a high priority. There will be other elections: Let’s all try to save some friends for 2024 and beyond.

Twitter: @Karol